Resolved Question: why do i always run away from my problems…instead of running towards them?

i dont understand, i mean i was emotionally abused as a child severely, my dad had an addiction, so did both of his brothers..and my mom worked constantly so i spent most of my time with my godparents… but when i was home i was never abused physically, but mentally and emotionally..to such an extent i was taken away for a while. but as i got older…when i was 15 i got addicted to cocaine and ecstasy..im talking daily, hourly addiction till i was 18…i had no responsibilities..now im 19 and i drink a whole lot and i know its a problem but i have no crutch i went from 0 responsibilities to college, work, placement, homework, cooking, cleaning taking care of my brother and grandma because my mom works 3 jobs 7 days a week and my dad has kidney and heart failure..we are going to lose our house because we cant afford our mortgage which means i have to move out..i dont know how i maintain a 90 average..but i do..and well i relapsed with coke 2 weeks ago and used again last week…i also used oxys..i dont know where to turn i cant let people down. But i am only 19 and beyond stressed i have GAD, depersonalization and derealization and my meds got discontinued because i became dependent on lorazepam..but it helped! and i have nothing i don’t know what to do…any advice i would appreciate..im a female living in toronto if that makes a difference

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