Resolved Question: why do i always run away from my problems and how do i fix this?

I’ve always avoided my problems. I mean as a child i was always pushed away when i wanted to express emotion…always told i was selfish, so over the years it seems that i don’t really know what my emotions mean…I’m 19 and i am clueless about my emotions and there meanings. I struggled with a cocaine and ecstasy addiction for 4 years, and i drink regularly. So i know i’ve avoided emotions for a very long time. When i was younger i was severely emotionally abused and as a result i have no self confidence or self esteem. So all of a sudden i have all of these responsibilities like university, homework, placement, work, my dad is dying and were losing our house because we can’t afford our mortgage…my mom is working 4 jobs seven days a week so i take care of my brother do the cleaning and cooking, while taking care of my grandma through all this i still manage to drink almost everyday and maintain an above 90 average..which makes it harder to stop because its not effecting my life in such a bad way..except for the fact that i dont know my emotions…which is kind of embarrassing actually. But i can’t make simple decisions for example…if someone asks where i want to go for dinner….i literally cannot say without feel shame and embarrassment ..don’t ask why..i have no idea…how can i fix this without blowing up with anxiety i have generalized anxiety disorder and dont take meds, because of my past addictions. so what can i do..?

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