I have been dating a guy for a year and a half and we are expecting a child in May. We have had our issues lately, but also a lot of misunderstandings and are getting to a point where we are okay with each other and are realizing that we need to just take a few steps back.
He tells me that he needs to be alone for a while, and he does care about me and he always wants to be in my life (and the baby’s), but we’re just think about things differently, so romantically we make no sense. I’ve agreed to give him his space, but he’s clear that I will always hope that he changes his mind.
He seems set on the fact that we will never be able to work things out, but he has a drug dependency that I believe is affecting his decision making, not to mention the fact that having a baby is a huge life changing event. He is making a conscious effort to kick his addiction, and I am confident that it will not be a permanent life choice (and it’s not anything like heroin or cocaine).
If you were in my shoes, would you move on, or would you hold out hope? Most of me thinks he’ll change his mind once he gets through this foggy period, but part of me is afraid I’m just trying to make myself feel better. I truly love him and he tells me he loves me, but I think he’s so overwhelmed that he’s shutting down. He says he’s pretty sure he knows, but he also says things like, “I don’t trust my own judgment” and “I’m not happy with the way my life is going right now.” What do I do?
I asked this question in Singles/Dating, but got little to no useful feedback, so I thought I’d try again because I usually trust you guys and am more comfortable here, plus, it’s slightly relevant, as some of you single moms may have gone through something similar. Some of you may know my story, but thanks so much for taking the time to read this and give me your feedback
Just to clarify–I do think he will quit drugs. I trust him and know that he will not keep it up forever. The heavy use coincides with the pregnancy. Before that, he never did drugs and I can tell he doesn’t like the way that he is when he does them. I think he’s just hoping for escape.
And the fighting isn’t physical or anything–it’s just a lot of miscommunication and frustration, and he thinks we just don’t ‘get’ each other. This belief also began when he started doing drugs. Don’t get me wrong–we weren’t perfect before, we had little fights, but were generally happy.