Well my parents divorced when I was 1 and they are still fueding in front of me and behind for back (15 years since they divorced) and offen times they rant about eachother to me like my dad complains that my mom is a lazy wellfare rat that is selfish and that she doesnt really do anything with me(she rarely actually does) and my mom complains that my dad is selfish and is a jerk. I love both of them equally, but my biggest role model is probably my dad because he is always there for me, never gives up on me in tight situations, and always gives me good advice. Also I’ve had three deaths in my family, my grandma three years ago in a car crash, my grandpa 2 years ago from cirrhosis of the liver and heart failure, and my uncle who I was VERY close to 1 year ago from a brain aneurism at the age of 52. I started drinking right after my grandma died(I was 13) it wasnt long before I started drinking heavily, getting drunk almost every night. After grandpa died I got into marijuana and started out smoking pretty heavily and I also started smoking cigarettes, I was hit the hardest when my uncle died right before my birthday of last year, I fell into a deep depression and starting using speed along with marijuana and alcohol. Not long ago a kid from my school offered me heroin for pretty cheap because he seemed to understand what I was going through and said he went through the same thing, he also said he could get me crack or cocaine, but knowing how horribly damaging and terribly addiction heroin, crack, and coke are, I told him I would think about it and that those three also have terrible withdrawls. I continued to use speed, marijuana and alcohol, addicted to all three, when I would run out of money I would sometimes steal stuff to get drugs and alcohol. But 2 weeks ago my mother set me up for treatment which I also thought was best, I have been an alcoholic for 3 years, pothead for 2 years and speed addict for 1 1/2 year, I was surprised I was able to pay for it all but if I didnt have the cash for whatever one then i would just do one of the three they all worked. But I still feel pain and drugs and alcohol were the only things making me feel better, I could’nt sleep well without them, I have intense cravings mostly for speed and alcohol(alcohol and speed were the ones I was going through withdrawls with but marijuana calmed them down), I also have legal issues when I got caught at school for small possession of marijuana, I didn’t get expelled but I still have to go to court and thats always on my mind. I have been sober ever since I started going to tretment(2 weeks) but I still feel depressed without alcohol and speed. I feel like I will relapse soon and I hope I wont. But soon I will be prescribed either adderall, ritalin, or dexedrine for my ADD(I have gotten high plenty of times before on ritalin and adderall never tried dex though, I always snorted these and these three were what I meant when I used speed and got addicted to them). Now I’m worried I’ll relapse with speed and start snorting them again since it will be around me now, but I cant find the nerve to tell my mom or doctor. Without drugs and alcohol I feel deeply depressed and am still haunted by the grief in my life, Im still not sleeping well and am having a lot of nightmares and lucid dreams and sometimes hallucinations(including when I’m on the drugs, on speed I get really paranoid and start seeing shadows moving from room to room, but I still love the euphoric, energetic, and confident feeling 4 hour high induced by speed, but the comedowns are the worst, along with alcohol, alcohol I sometimes see things too when I’m drunk or not or going through withdrawls on both alcohol and speed). I’m 16, I’m depressed and I need help, any help.