I know it sounds really emo, but I’ve just totally lost all motivation to try.
I was never really motivated in high school. I got relatively good grades, A’s, B’s, and the occasional C, but that was only to make my parents happy. I didn’t get serious about my future until my senior year, so I started getting all A’s in AP classes, doing college courses, and applying to colleges. I got accepted, and this summer, after graduating high school about a month ago, I’m doing 2 more college classes at a community college. But now I’m just totally unmotivated all of a sudden.
I’m failing the math class I’m taking and when I asked the professor for help she told me if I didn’t know that then I was going to fail her class because that was elementary level stuff and just walked away without helping me. And it was a damn remedial class too! I’m gonna drop the class because I just don’t wanna deal with it. I have a HUGE midterm in my other class, western civilization, this Thursday and haven’t even begun studying it. I stopped looking for a job because I just didn’t feel like looking anymore. My parents broke the news to me that they’re getting a divorce once I move away to college, which isn’t really a shocker, but it’s still hard to swallow. I’ve begun slowly figuring out who my real friends are, and I’ve come to the realization that though I’ve always been popular, only one friend has really always been there for me. One stopped hanging with me after her boyfriend said he didn’t like me. I mean she literally deleted me from her friends list on myspace and facebook. Another was going around telling everyone the only reason I got into the college I did was because I had “alumni privileges” when no one in my family even went to that college. Lamest attempt at being two-faced I’ve ever seen. Another keeps blowing me off to go drinking with losers and the other blew me off on plans we had made to go to a party 2 weeks in advance on the same day as the party. Neither of the friends who blew me off even had the balls to actually tell me they weren’t gonna hang with me and just left me stranded, not answering my calls or text messages. After I put my status on facebook as talking about how unreliable my friends are, they both instantly sent me text messages asking if I wanted to do something with them. I know complaining about friends is pretty childish but I actually thought a lot of these people and never imagined they’d turn out to be so fake. I’d dealt with fake friends in the past and thought I’d finally found real friends, but I guess not.
I know this all sounds very stupid and childish, but I’ve matured quite a bit over the past year or so and none of my “friends” have.
I feel like if I go to college I’m just going to fail or drop out.
I’m bipolar and have suffered with depression the past few years. I had to go to rehab about 2 years ago when I was 16 for a cocaine addiction.
How do I get motivated again?
I liked the happiness and motivation I’ve felt the past year when I wasn’t on drugs, had great friends, had a family that was actually together, made excellent grades, and was basically successful, but the happiness is wearing thin, I’ve started doing drugs again (not a lot though), my friends all turned out be faker than I ever could have imagined, my family’s falling apart, and my grades are pathetic.
On top of all that I have social anxiety disorder, a mild case, but a case still. They didn’t prescribe me anything, I guess because it was so mild, but I’m freaking out about going to college because it’s one of the largest research universities in my state (29,000 students) and I don’t make friends easily.
How can I get motivated again?
Sorry if this all comes across as whiny and bratty, but I really want some advice and, obviously, I can’t ask my friends or family.