Resolved Question: How can I get past the hurt my husband’s past mistakes have caused me? And how do I trust him again?

A year and a half ago my husband disappeared. Said he had to go out to the garage one night around 9 p.m. and he didn’t come back for 2 months. I searched every place I could think of. Of course the wife is always the last to know everything. We had only been married a year and a half. To shorten this somewhat, my husband had a cocaine addiction that I wasn’t aware of. I worried about him. Not knowing if he was dead or alive. I found out he was staying with another woman. One of his “connections”. Life was hell for me. When I realized exactly how bad he was, I had many people telling me do this or that. Forget about him. Move on. Divorce him. I had been married before for 20 years. When I met my husband I truly felt I had found heaven. He was perfect. Or at least perfect for me! He was the kindest, most loving man I had ever met in my life. He was good to anyone and everyone. Always helping someone. Great with my two daughters. Each day and night I would search for him. I would get text messages from time to time saying things like, “Help me, I’m lost.” Or “Thank you for being the person you are.” I realized something. Addictions are an illness. For whatever reason people decide to turn to drugs, once they become addicted, they cannot help it. In my vows I said, “In sickness and in health”. This was a sickness. I wouldn’t have divorced him if he had cancer. So I couldn’t give up. Finally I turned to his family, parents and brother. I told them what was going on. I begged them to help. I even told them that if he didn’t want me, that was fine, but I didn’t want to see him dead! I loved him and wanted him to get better. His family told me they wouldn’t get involved. They never attempted to help in any way. Each day I would go to the bank to close our checking account because he was dipping into the overdraft and leaving me negative $300 every day. I couldn’t close the account until it was positive. The stress was so much for me, I went on stress leave at work in order to not lose my job. My parents ended up giving me $2000 to get the account straight. I had no food, nothing. No way to buy food for my 15 year old daughter. My ex mother in law stepped in and sent more food than 5 families could have ate. My in laws didn’t care because she wasn’t their grandaughter. On a Sunday night my husband had used so much drugs that he started seizing. This “woman” and all the friends there, stuck him in a room and left him! He finally came out of it and woke up on Tuesday. On Tuesday night, he came home. He begged me for help. He said he realized then who truly loved him and that he wanted to live. It was a rough road. I sat with him, tied him to the bed, and didn’t leave his side while he was going through detox. It wasn’t long, weeks, he started getting back into it. This time it wasn’t as bad. He would only stay gone for a day or so. Finally this past July, he begged me to put him in rehab. He has now been clean for 7 months and 9 days. I still love my husband with all of my heart. But there are so many problems and I’m not sure we will ever get through them. I feel that my insecurities and my constant worrying is going to push him away or back to the life he was living. I forgave him. I realized it wasn’t his fault. Yes, he did chose to use the drugs, however, this was the life his parents had lived. I wasn’t aware of that. He ended up telling me things that still makes me cry when I think about them. How his only memories as a child was his parents always strung out. People at there house laying around on the floors doing coke and having sex. And he remembers being taken away from his parents. Now, here is a major problem. His parents told him so many lies. Told him I was calling them with all kinds of lies. I only told them the truth. They claim I never asked them for help. And that all I did was call to tell them how much trouble he was in with the FBI. He never got caught. I never told them such things. They were horrible to me. After he came back, I was so far in debt, I was evicted from my home. His parents didn’t care. My parents took us in. They gave us a home. My mother and I had argued when he was gone and she told me she never wanted him around her again. I told her that I would respect that, however, he was my husband and I would not turn my back on him. I told her that I had never loved someone so much in my life and I would be there when he finally wanted help. She accepted that. He didn’t talk to his family for a year. Now that he is talking to them again, and going to visit them, it’s like nothing ever happened. His mother still makes the comments to him that she doesn’t believe him when he tells her what he was doing. She says he is lying to cover my lies. They also expect me to call and apologize to them. I did nothing to them. I told him the only apology they would get from me is, “I’m sorry I loved your s
feel like I’m losing my mind! I want my marriage to last forever. He tells me every day how sorry he is and how he would take it all back if he could. Yet, he let’s them get by without apologizing to me! Please, don’t tell me how stupid I am. I don’t need to hear the negative things. I know people say if my spouse did this or that to me, it would be over. I said the same things, and ate those words. Until you go through a situation yourself, you really don’t know how you would handle it. Please, only helpful answers?
I loved your son enough to go to any lengths to save his life! And I’m sorry you guys didn’t love him enough to help.” I feel that I was the only one there for him. The only one who fought for him. And now they are treated like they did nothing wrong. I feel they did me wrong and they owe me an apology and a thank you! Also, I question everything. I’m constantly looking for something. Searching his vehicle, his pockets, everything. I do this to see if he is doing these things again. How do I get past this? How do I accept the fact that they are back in his life regardless of how they raised him and how the treated me?

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