I am 24 years old and nothing has really gone right in my life, despite all my efforts to improve my health, attitude, motivation, etc. I once considered taking my own life because the pain was unbearable but I didn’t out of morbid curiosity. I have been to some real lows, involving crack cocaine, prostitutes, pornography addiction, public humiliation, domestic abuse, police arrests, eviction, alcohol abuse and self-harm. All of the people I have known or cared about have either considered taking or have taken their own lives, including all of my close blood relatives – depression runs in the family. Of course I have no friends.
I have realized that I shall never be able to lead a wholesome, prosperous life in the conventional sense – its just beyond me, so I’m not going to try and make things better any more. But I wonder if there is not some fulfillment to be found in living like a complete down-and-out. Any suggestions on how to plumb new depths of indecency?
Any references to writers or fictional characters are welcome…
I mean, life is an adventure, so lets trawl through the gutter and see if we can’t find a few shiny pennies. Maybe I’m not making sense.