I spent twenty years, two decades filling my mind and body with trash. What kind of trash? Drugs. Cocaine. The first ten years I used powder cocaine, the next ten years I spent locked up in hotel rooms, bedrooms, and bathrooms smoking crack cocaine. I had created my own world. And it was a very dark, empty, lonely, and unhappy world, but recently, thanks to God, I have made true progress in closing the door on that world and walking away from it.
I wish I could stand here and tell you that I got down on my knees one night and prayed to God to end my addiction and when I stood up I was cured, but it didn’t happen like that. There were many nights I did pray to God while lying in my bed in my misery, and I do mean misery in the fullest sense of the word. I spent years wondering why I couldn’t stop the desire to use. I would pray to God full of remorse and guilt for what I had done and was doing. I wondered why, after praying to God, that I would shortly return to the drugs and all that came with them.
I thought God hated me and didn’t want anything to do with me. Even though I had always been taught that God loved everyone, I just couldn’t get the thought out of my head that God hated me. I thought God was so tired of me praying to him and then returning to my drug use that he was done with me. I spent years believing this lie from the evil one, from the evil force trying to destroy my life.
I stand here before you tonight as a christian and ask for your love, for your forgiveness, for your acceptance, and…………….. for your patience. I stand before you as a human and ask for your help, for your hand of experience, your guidance in helping me on my path, my journey. And likewise, if there is anyway that I may help steer you in the right direction, then I would be honored.