Okay; so I got my tonsils out.
They had me on some pain medication that started with a Z, I don’t remember what it was. But I remember looking it up and it was basically liquid hydrocodone, only I think a little stronger. Either that or I was taking a little too much of it. Because I got addicted to that stuff QUICK. I don’t like that stuff at all. I know there have been addiction problems in my family; mostly to speeders. Like ecstacy and cocaine, and I’m 16. I don’t want to mess up my life anymore than it already is; what with my bad grades and stuff.. But; I stopped taking this stupid Z stuff; and I miss it so much. I loved the way I felt on it; and when I went back to the doctor I asked him if he had anything not so strong and something in pill form because I don’t know how much 15ml is in teaspoons and because I wanted to wean off of it.. And we didn’t have any of those little measuring spoons that are meant for medicine, and then so I was taking 1 1/2 tablespoons of it; which I thought was right. Because at first my mom said that it was 2 tablespoons, and I was like “I’m in so much pain right now that I could care less; but I really don’t think 2 tablespoons is right. Maybe two teaspoons?” and she said “Nope. Tablespoons. Try taking 1 1/2 of it and see how you feel” and that stuff must not have kicked in fast enough, cause I went back in like a few minutes and said “Alright, well…Mom did say 2..” And I took it…And I was gone. It hit me like a brick before I even swallowed it. And I know what I should have done was call the doctor and be like “Hey, how many tablespoons am I supposed to take?” Which eventually I found out it was only one I was supposed to be taking, but anyways; I was feeling great on that stuff. And don’t blame my mom for this either; she’s a good momma. She really is a fantastic momma. It was all just one big mistake. That’s how all this talking for hours nonsense started. Anyway; So I’d take it again the next day. My mom said “Okay; well. I don’t think you should take 2 anymore” because she noticed that I wasn’t feeling right. I was really speedy like. I felt like I HAD to clean up the house and be really nice and friendly, which I usually am, but…You know…Not like this. At all. lol. I would like talk and talk and talk to my mom, sometimes about things I’d never talk about; especially to my mom. I talked about cooking, which I like to do, and you know, just stupid stuff like that, that I had on my mind. I’d never talk to my mom like this before. I even told her that I thought pot should be legal and I explained why and she actually agreed with me..lol isn’t that cool? And I remember that I wanted to do my homework and stuff and I NEVER do my homework. I never do it at home, anyway. I’m always so like..tired and drained and stuff, and I just want to come hope and go to sleep, but…man…I was doing all sorts of stuff around the house; I was being helpful and I was talking to my brother normally, which is amazing cause we really hate each other, because I’m adopted and he’s not; but that’s a whole different story that I could babble on for hours about, which is the problem I’m babbling on and on about right now. But I really need some help, and I’m realizing that now that this is some scary stuff. I think I’m going through withdrawl because I haven’t taken any of the stuff with a z for two whole days and I’ve been like…Freaking out…And I’m having panic attacks and chills on minute, and then it’ll be like 400 degrees the next and I’ll get really angry and then really sad and cold again.. Almost like I’m bi-polar. It’s never been like this before, you can ask anyone.. But I remember going to the store with my friend whose house I am at right now, and I remember looking at the clock going “Darn, I wish I could get some of my medicine right now.” And then I’d instantly think about painful things to make it seem like I was really in pain; when really I was soo messed up already from taking it that day…And that’s when it hit me. When I was leaving the store I thought to myself; I have such a bad problem on my hands. I’m addicted to this Z stuff… And I don’t want to touch that stuff anymore..Cause it also makes me really sick when I take it, too after my high.. and I KNOW that tylenol or acetemophamiannna stuff is horrible for your liver. I can’t believe I actually enjoy feeling this kind of “high”..I can’t believe that I like it so much that I did it every day for 2 weeks and 2 days of this tonsil crap…That’s 16 days it took me to realize that I had a problem..which was almost a week after getting weaker stuff. Because I knew I needed to wean myself off, but I didn’t want to just yet…But then it was too late for me to pull out of it. I was hooked on this stuff.. But anyways; this is what I’m talking about. This is what I’m doing. I’m depressed as ever because I can’t have my meds..And I just can’t help sitting here thinking of how crappy my life it; but then another mi
I’m just a kid, though. And I don’t really want my parents knowing I took this medication so much after I wasn’t supposed to take it. I mean the doctor prescribed my “weaning medication” like 6 days ago…And I didn’t take it until yesterday. I don’t really want them to know.
Open Question: What is wrong with me? I can’t stop talking about my problems! Is it withdrawl from an addiction?
Okay; so I got my tonsils out.