ok i was with my husband for many yrs he uncharacteristically developed a cocaine addiction. After trying everything short of going to rehab for him i let him go. Through all of this his best friend was trying to help me help him. He would talk to him about the pain he was causing etc etc. We have 3 very small children 2 are twins and Our friend would come and help at this time to make sure I was ok. We fell in love, or so i thought. He told me he he had fallen in love with me and ran out the door got into his truck and drove away. X husband is still using and has been gone for 3 yrs. He maintains maintain a very close friendship with his friend to this day. One is loyal to the other for reasons that trancend drug abuse. I also fell in love with our friend back its hard not to under those circumstances i have never admitted to him how i feel i dont want to put pressure on him and he has said only once that he is in love with me. The other night he asked me if i loved him and i said i love u as the friend u r and enjoy ur company. I didnt mean it its just so frightening to open up again to admit how intensly i love him and be vulnerable to hurt. I called him during the day a tried to convey i wanted us to be alone by sounding sexier on the phone in a huskey voice. I asked him to come and enjoy an evening with me, watch a movie, and when he came he was washed shaved and cologned a little unlike him late in the evening. He said he had a hot date that night and although i was hurt i said thats great with who? he said with ur tv. So we prepared a meal together in complete silence and cleaned after eating with accidental touches but little communication and went to watch a movie together. At first it seemed as though all these yrs of attraction and mutual respect, desire and closeness would finally be brought into the light, bc there have been passionate kisses and times we made love no close but also no penetration. Then we started fighting not even sure what it was about it was senseless and we both went to seperate couches and pretended to sleep althought im sure it was quiet obvious neither could really sleep. forgot to mention i did fall asleep beside him for about an hr when we first started to watch tv i was exhausted but i awoke quickly. I would like to know if he feels the same or if i am seeing what i want to see am i crazy?