Open Question: I used to be a cocaine addict, and i have relapsed 6 weeks in a row…where do i turn now?

Well, i had an ecstasy addiction for a few years…and a daily cocaine addiction from 15-19, i am now 20 (female)…and i was clean just about a year…and have used for the past six weeks at least once a week..usually twice. My stresses have been really high, which with my addictive personality just makes it easier for me to use…i work 2 jobs go to college maintain a 90 average, homework, placement, take care of my brother and grandma because my mom is working 3 jobs 7 days a week, i cook i clean i pay rent…my dad is dying..we’re about to loose our house and i have to move out…i am a weak individual who doesn’t handle stress well..ive started drinking every night for the last month or so…and now the frequent cocaine use…which is bringing on that careless side of me…i am a horrible person. I hate myself more then i used to and for the first time, i want to die..i have many plans how to do so..i haven’t told a single soul…and i wont..when i want to do this..i’ll do it. But i can’t stop the fiendish side of me for the cocaine…i feel like i’ve just gone back a million steps…and i don’t even care..i can’t tell my parents…i can’t let my dad down before he dies…i’m terribly close to him, and i just couldn’t let him down like this…I live in Toronto…anyway….any advice is welcome….no need to tell aware i’m a horrible person, and i’m useless.

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