Open Question: Can someone revise this for me?

I need this revised im making a 4 out of 6 on it it says i need to edit my grammar and punctuation please revise this?

People need to know what is going on around the world, they need to see how drugs affect them and why they don’t need it, or start a new addiction, here are my ideas for a new reality show. My show “everyday teens, doing out of the ordinary things” will help educate the body mind and soul.
Everyday teens doing out of the ordinary things, will be based on diary episodes, of real teens in reality. The teens on this show have been on some kind of drug reference for longer than six months. This show will show the disadvantages to drugs. Drugs affect you in a timely manner, these teens will not be staged it will be set up in a high school scene. These drugs will affect there performance in school, teachers will notice that the drugs are making them not pay attention and make bad grades in school. For example in this show we have a character named Jimmy, he used to be a good school student making all good grades, and he willingly got into doing drugs and now he has a loss of performance in his school life and long line of good grades. He isn’t paying attention to his teachers due to drug impairment. He is also ruining his own life because the drugs are very un healthy and deadly to his body. His personal life is effected all because he got into drugs, which is hard to get out of. This series will deal with all those problems.
More or less, parents will also be educated in this. Drugs are not all what they seem, as of cocaine, and crystal meth. Inhalants could also be used as drugs, even useful house hold cleaning supplies. Twelve thousand students under the age of 18 have started drugs over peer pressure. Our character Jimmy, his mom thinks jimmy is just having problems in school, or so she thinks. He is really snorting cocaine, but she does not expect it out of him. This show will help Jimmy’s mom in seeing what he is really doing, and try to get him out of it. If teenagers watch this show they will see how bad it is for you and why you shouldn’t start it.
Furthermore, this show will be an advantage to every one, that last thing the series will show teens, and caring guardians is how hard it is to quit an addiction teens have already inquired. Once you start obtaining drugs you cannot quit. Drugs will destroy your life in a big way. You have to attend meetings, peer counseling sessions, and a rehabilitation facility just to quit something that took 30 seconds to start. This show will have episodes of what it takes to quit an addiction, and convince students that you don’t need to start, its not good for you at all. It ages you and all at the same time its tearing your family and friends apart from what they used to be. I hope this letter of my show idea, helps you decide of what makes a great television show.

This entry was posted in Cocaine Addictions. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *